The Wonderful Phenom of WWE
by The Next Mrs. Copeland
Summary: A wrestling twist on L. Frank Baum's classic The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Darlene Gray finds herself lost in the land of WWE, and the only person who can help her find a way back to California is the all-powerful Phenom who lives in Wrestlemania City.
1. The Flood

**Author's Note: This is a parody of L. Frank Baum's _The Wonderful Wizard of Oz_, and will stay fairly close to the book, with a few twists. Because I want to stay consistent with the style and plot of the original book, this story will probably take me quite a while to actually finish, so please be patient.**

Everything was wet. Wet and grey and cold. A small figure all in black rushed across a faded grey lawn from a beaten up grey Toyota pickup. She held on for dear life to a tattered umbrella that could not hold back the torrential rain. The wind blew fiercely and the puddles that had formed on the asphalt had begun to run together into an impromptu raging river in the street. The figure reached the tiny, single story grey house and barely pulled her poor excuse for an umbrella into the building before slamming the heavy grey door behind her.

The figure shook off, slumped her shoulders, and began shivering. She was grey, too. Actually, Darlene Gray. There was really nothing grey about her, and she stood out sharply from her utterly dove-tinged environment. She cried out "Mama? Jacob?" but no answer came from the rest of the house. She gathered a large and soft heather grey blanket around her shoulders and began searching for her family.

"Oh, hello Pandora!" A petite Siamese cat looked up at Darlene with big blue eyes. The kitten greeted her with a cheerful meow in return, and immediately followed at her heels as Darlene continued her search. All the while, the tempestuous waters had begun to rise around the miniscule wooden home. Darlene collapsed dejectedly upon the queen-sized bed in her mother's room, and it was at this exact moment that the building broke loose from its foundations, causing her to jump up immediately in shock.

"My goodness! Whatever could that be?" Being a smart young woman of twenty years old, Darlene went to the window and quickly realized that her house was now rapidly traveling down the ever-widening river that used to be East 4th Street. "Oh Pandora, what ever will we do?" She lay back down on the bed and began to sob uncontrollably. She was certain that death was on its way and there was nothing she could do to fight the raging flood all on her own. Pandora curled up beside her and began licking her fingers in an attempt to calm the poor girl. As silly as it may sound, the soft purring of the cat and the faint rocking of the bed caused by the furious water beneath them helped Darlene to drift into a peaceful sleep as the little grey house continued to float downstream…


	2. Welcome to Smackdownland

Darlene awoke with a start as the house suddenly came to an abrupt stop. She sat up slowly as she began to gradually remember the events of the night before. She rushed to the window and drew in a quick breath in awe. It was the most beautiful place she had ever seen! Of course, this wasn't very surprising as she had never really left her hometown before.

They were on the edge of a clear, sparkling stream, no longer the terrible grey rushing river. In fact, she couldn't see a single grey thing in sight besides her little house. There were pebbles and lush grass and all types of flowers and trees. From here, oddly enough, they all looked slightly blue. Beautiful, yes, but blue. Darlene shrugged, supposing that the windows were probably very dirty from yesterday's storm, and opened them in order to clean the glass.

"Wherever can we be Pandora?" she asked her kitten, who had now joined her at the window. The cat did not respond, but merely looked up at the girl and hopped out of the window to the grass far below. "Oh, Pandora! Wait! You're not supposed to go outside, it's not safe, you're an inside cat!"

She flung the door open, rushing to the aid of her furry companion. However, Darlene had no need to worry; Pandora sat comfortably on the warm grass licking her paw. A little calmer, she walked toward her cat.

In the corner of her eye she caught sight of something most unexpected: three of the most curious-looking men standing at the top of the gently sloping hill. "Oh my!" she cried in shock. They appeared no taller than herself, much smaller than any ordinary full grown man, yet they were much older. They were oddly dressed in only tight blue pants and boots, one even wearing a mask that covered his entire head, and they looked to be in peak physical condition.

"Welcome brave sorceress! We thank you for disposing of our cruel ruler, the Wicked Witch of the East, and setting us free from her grasp" spoke the little man in the center, and then the three bowed in unison.

"Oh, but you must be mistaken!" cried Darlene in shock. "I've never hurt a soul in my life! I wouldn't dream of it. And I'm no sorceress, only very lost."

"Don't be silly, you must be a sorceress to have defeated such an evil person as the Wicked Witch…well, at the very least your house killed her, deader than a doorknob" the second man replied in a high pitched voice, gesturing toward her now dilapidated wooden house.

It was then that Darlene saw the remains of what must have been the Wicked Witch of the East sticking out from beneath the corner of the house: a crushed metal frame much like a wheelchair, stockinged legs, and a very tall pair of shining silver heels. They were the most beautiful shoes she had ever seen, but were far too large to fit her own feet, even if she wanted to wear the shoes of the deceased ruler.

"My goodness!" she gasped at the horrible sight. "Was she really evil?" she ventured to ask the tiny men.

"Oh yes, she was quite evil my lady. We once had a very kind man who ruled over the Cruiserweights with love and laughter, but the pitiless witch Vickie Guerrero came one day to our land and cast him out with her superior magic. She made us work day in and day out to no end, and punished severely those who would not obey her" the masked man, shortest of the three, told Darlene in a hushed voice.

"Oh…" Darlene paused, stooping to pick up her cat and hold her tightly to her chest. "Well, then I suppose I should be glad that my house did such a thing" she reasoned aloud. The three men nodded rapidly in agreement, then again bowed to the young woman in reverence.

"So the Cruiserweights are what you are called?" she inquired curiously, "Hmmm...I don't suppose you could tell me where I am and how to get home to California?"

"I beg your pardon, my lady, but I have never heard of a place by the name of California" the masked man answered, pronouncing the foreign word in a strange manner, "So I don't suppose I could tell you how to return there."

Before Darlene could do anything but frown another Cruiserweight piped up. "But we can tell you where you are ma'am. We are indeed the Cruiserweights, and this is our country, known throughout the land as Smackdownland."

The first Cruiserweight began speaking from there, picking up where the other had left off. "This is the land of WWE, which is made up of four countries, including this one, Smackdownland, in the East."

"We? As in you and I?" Darlene asked, confused.

"No kind sorceress, W-W-E" he spelled slowly. "But I can understand your confusion"

She nodded in understanding. She was still in desperate hope of finding a way home to California. As she went to ask another question of the Cruiserweights, she was startled by a billowing cloud of smoke in the town square. Out stepped a man, larger than the Cruiserweights, clothed in black and white with close cropped blonde hair.

As the man approached the group Darlene asked cautiously "Who are you?" in a shaking voice, having never seen such a sight in her life. She was very afraid, now knowing that there were witches in this strange land.

"Calm down little one" he laughed, the Cruiserweights grinning from ear to ear at the sight of him, "I am Christian Cage, the Good Witch of the North. And you must be the sorceress who defeated Vickie Guerrero."

"I'm no sorceress Mr. Cage" she answered, a little relieved that he wasn't a wicked magician like the one she had accidentally killed. "If I might ask, Mr. Cage, since you are a witch as well, why did you not defeat the Wicked Witch yourself?" she asked, letting her curiosity get the better of her.

"I am not as powerful as Mrs. Guerrero was" he admitted readily, "And I also feared the wrath of her sister, the even more powerful Wicked Witch of the West, Stephanie McMahon."

"Oh goodness, will she not want revenge on me for the death of her sister?" Darlene uttered, now worried for her life. "Is there no one more powerful than her?"

"I'm afraid you must be wary of her my dear. But there is a power greater than any of the witches in this land: the all-powerful and all-knowing wizard who lives in Wrestlemania City, the Phenom" Christian answered her, patting Darlene on the shoulder in comfort. "It would be best for you to travel to Wrestlemania City to ask the Phenom for his assistance in your troubles. Although, be warned, it is a long and tiring journey to reach it."

She smiled weakly, as a faint glimmer of hope began shining in her eyes, mixing with the fear. "Do you think the Phenom will know how to help me find my way home to California as well?"

"I suppose" he replied with a shrug. "You will need much help on your journey, as the road to Wrestlemania City is paved not only in yellow brick but in danger. I suggest you take the witch's shoes with you, as they have some kind of magic spell that may protect and aid you."

"I wouldn't dare steal her shoes if she cared for them so much!" she cried, slightly offended by the suggestion. "Besides, they are much too large for me to wear."

"But, my dear, you already have them on" he said, pointing at the shoes sparkling jovially on her dainty feet. They fit her perfectly, as if they were made only for her. They were too beautiful for Darlene to remove. "Never take them off, for the Wicked Witch of the West also wished to have the silver slippers. The yellow brick road begins right over there in that grove of trees" he finished, pointing toward a thicket on the other side of the town, and the beginnings of a fence of blue ropes and black posts topped with the insignia of WWE. "Now I must be going home, for my people are in need of me. Goodbye Darlene and good luck on your quest!" he cried before disappearing in another cloud of smoke.

"Goodbye!" she cried as the helpful man disappeared, leaving her alone with the Cruiserweights. She went back into her house and gathered a few necessary items into a basket, including food for her journey and pictures of her family. She changed clothes into a blue and white gingham dress. It was shorter than she would have liked, but it was clean and pretty and the only thing she could find in her bare closet. With a sigh she left her childhood home for the last time, waved goodbye to the kind Cruiserweights, and took her first step on the long yellow brick road.


End file.
